When you blame others, you give up your power to change.

--Robert Anthony

This concept gives you an opportunity to change and allows you to have power to make your life better.  However, the concept of self-responsibility can frequently be a challenge to carry out. Oftentimes, individuals would rather believe that if only the other person would change, then there life would be better.  The challenges in your life are usually intermingled with relationship issues.  Therefore, it is important to recognize that all participants in relationships can contribute to problems.

Here are a few guidelines to follow when it is necessary for change to occur and you are ready to take on the freedom of self-responsibility.  

Do not attempt to change anyone else because this will only lead to further frustration and disappointment.  Instead,focus on how you can make a positive change in the relationship.  When others see the change, they can choose to ignore it or act on it.  For example,if you choose to forgive and show kindness to someone who has been less than friendly to you in the past, that person will recognize your actions.  In most cases, people respond positively to individual change, especially when it is sincere. 

Another guideline in embracing self-responsibility is that when faced with a problem or a conflict, before blaming someone else or stating that the situation is not fair, take an honest self-evaluation. Begin by asking yourself how you might have contributed to the problem or conflict.  Self-evaluation can be accomplished by putting yourself into the other person’s shoes.  Empathy can be a very effective way to take the blame off of someone else.  If you are having difficulty being objective, ask a close friend or a spouse what role you may have played in the conflict. However, be prepared for an honest response if you ask an honest question. Once you have evaluated the situation, make the changes in yourself and take self-responsibility first before addressing the conflict with the other person.  

Lastly, lower your expectations of others or of situations. This is the process of accepting that some things will never change and that life as you know it will never be fair. In other words, accept how thing sare, rather than how things should be. Remember that some things are out of your control and therefore are not your responsibility.  Defining self-responsibility takes time and experience, but in the long run, it will give you peace and joy.