There is a metaphorical land where many of us live. It is the Land of Try. Now, 'try' is one loaded word.  Try can mean many things to many people.  For some, try can mean, "I'll never change, but I will keep using the word 'try' just to get you to leave me alone."  Try can also mean,  "I want to change this, but not if I'm required to do anything hard."  It can mean, "I am going to attempt to do something different, but I can still fall back on the fact that I only said I would try."

How many of us try our whole lives to complete a task or to break a bad habit.  We are always trying, but do we accomplish our goals?  Some things we often say are, "I am going to try to exercise or I am going to try and eat more healthfully."  "I am going to try to be more loving," or, "I am going to try to stop yelling at my spouse and kids." Those statements do not sound that convincing.  The Land of Try is a safe place to live, because nothing really has to change  and we don't need to take any risks.  We never have to be afraid, because the Land of Try is so familiar, and requires so little. Our metaphorical Land of Try is located on the shore of a deceptively peaceful lake. The Lake of Complacency.  The surface is  smooth, but underneath, there is turmoil.  Complacency and Try go hand in hand.  Complacency is simply a state of mind that tells us to be satisfied with the way things are, even though our heart tells us we are in danger of compromising our values. Complacency dwells in many marriages.  I hear people tell me they are not happy in their marriage, but at the very least, they are still married.  I hear so often, "I really don't love my spouse, but I need to stay in this marriage for the kids."  Some might think that after the kids are grown, they will leave the marriage and start living their life. Others might think, "well, I have stayed in this less than fulfilling marriage this long, I might as well just stick it out until one of us passes on." But what does this attitude teach children, if they are involved? What kind of value does it place on life? These same people could decide to work on the marriage. What if they made it better for themselves and their spouse and kids by raising their expectations instead of lowering them? What if they decided to live in harmony with their values, whether they stayed in a marriage or ended it? Life is happening now. This moment matters. Basically to live in complacency can be simplified as waiting for the end of time, but life is a journey, not a destination.

How do we leave the Land of Try?  How do we stop swimming in the Lake of Complacency?  Simply put, swim to shore.  Dry off.  Take the first step and walk out of the Land of Try.  What we sometimes forget is that we have the strength this requires.  We have the gift of life and the freedom to choose.  Our mind is a powerful tool that  we can learn to use effectively. We can begin requiring integrity in ourselves, not just making half-hearted attempts at it.

We cannot change by trying; we can only change by fully committing to changing our actions, and then acting on that commitment.   If your marriage is less than wonderful, require more, and follow up with action.  If you are unhappy, then find out why and use the resources of your body and mind to discover joy in your life. Your life matters today. The first step is to believe it. And then, live it.