Connecting with Your Power of Choice
Choice. We all want to feel like we have choices when it comes to our lives. When we lack choices, we feel out of control, and as though we are victims of circumstance. But how much control do we really have over our lives? Aren't there some things that "just happen?" Aren't there things that we have no control over, and must simply endure? The short answer is yes, but there is an important caveat. We may not have control over every circumstance in our lives, but we always have control over how we respond. Here's a simple example of how this can work. Suppose your family is making plans for a camping trip in the mountains, and everyone is excited. Everyone, that is, except for you. Unfortunately, your idea of a cottage by the beach wasn't adventurous enough, and you were outvoted. So now, as you drag the tent out of the garage and sort through the camping equipment, you tell yourself how much you hate the smell of bug spray, and how you won't get a single night of sleep. You think about the primitive bathroom facilities, and the dusty hiking. As this goes on, you feel more and more helpless. Your mood is apparent to the rest of your family, and perhaps someone feels a little bit sorry for you, and says, apologetically, "I'm glad we're going camping, even though I know it's not your favorite." At this point, perhaps you feel a twinge of guilt. You don't want to take away from your family's enjoyment of the trip, so you decide to tell yourself--and your family--something new about camping. "I'm glad we're going camping, too, because it is something YOU love, and I like to share things with you that you enjoy." And this is true. You tell yourself, "I am modeling flexibility and graciousness when I go along without sulking." And this is also true. You tell yourself, "I choose to go camping." And this, perhaps, is the most important part. Because, no matter whether you like camping or not, you choose it, and when you choose it, you are not a victim of circumstance. You are participating in your own life, with power. Become aware of how you exercise the power of choice in your life. Notice any patterns that emerge. Not all problems are as simplistic as whether or not you like to camp. Maybe you've been hurt in a relationship. Maybe you're grieving the death of a loved one. Maybe you're struggling with a chronic illness. Maybe you've lost your job. Whatever the problem, examine any part of the situation that feels out of control. Then, see if you can find some small area of choice that you have in it. Find a way to anchor you choice to your core values, and then focus on that. Try using the phrase "I choose," as a jumping-off place for figuring out what you are going to do in difficult circumstances. Connecting with your power of choice can be a bridge to a solution, or at least a more peaceful place.
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